I do, but I don't, Or Do I?
by 7557
Summary: You were the only daughter of the most influential man in the country. You thought you could live with the demands of being the perfect creature, but when you were wed to someone unknown to you without your consent, you just lost it. But could your husband finally win over your heart? Or will you instead fall for someone else? A reader insert: PrussiaxReader AU.
1. Chapter 1

The Priest opened his mouth and said, "You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen."

And at that very moment, your heart shattered into a million pieces.

Being the only daughter of the country's most influential man to you had become more of a curse than a blessing. Ever since you were young, you were demanded to be the perfect child. You were required to master everything from mathematics, sciences, business and finances, language and literature, music, arts, athletics, economics and even politics. You were constantly obliged to look and act your finest, a perfect lady.

You thought you could handle it. You thought you could manage being the perfect creature you were demanded to be. You enjoyed your privileged education anyways, especially athletics and arts. But when your father had one-sidedly decided to offer your hand in marriage to the son of a business partner from overseas, it was too much for you.

"Is that why you raised me? To offer me as some kind of a sacrificial lamb?" you had asked that to your father. Truth be told, you felt as if you were worth nothing more than a bribery material. When your caretakers had said to you, "your father really loves you, and he just wanted what was best for you," you felt like puking at the statement. You knew your father loved you just like how one would love a golden bird he had caught by chance and kept in a golden cage just for the sole purpose to be sold at the right moment.

And so, here you were. Standing on the aisle of a beautiful white chapel, wearing the most beautiful dress you'd ever seen. Inside, however, you were battling so hard not to let your tear fall. At least a lifetime putting up fake smiles helped you did just that. You walked over to where your father was and he planted a dry kiss on your forehead. "At least I won't be seeing this old fiend anymore," you thought. Your father in law had arranged you and your husband to leave for Germany, their homeland, by ship as soon as the wedding ceremony ended.

Your new husband took your hand and placed it on his arm, and you were led inside the horse-drawn carriage. After an hour of riding in silence, you reached the port and stepped down. You were led to your ship and your new husband flashed the doorman your tickets. After scanning your tickets quickly, the doorman flashed you both a grin and said, "well, Mr. and Mrs. Gilbert Beilschmidt, welcome aboard."

* * *

i haven't planned how long this series is going to be, but i will update it gradually so look forward to it! XD


	2. Chapter 2

You had spent a few days on the ship, and you and your new husband had exchanged but a few words. When you finally landed, you were immediately taken to his mansion at the outskirts of Berlin. It was beautiful, really. It was large and distinct with German architecture style with a large garden filled with a wide variety of plants. It was already nighttime when you stepped inside the mammoth gates, and the silver moonlight beautifully lit the path to the place you would be calling home from then on. Despite all its grandeur, you felt as if the mansion was a prison built to confine you for the rest of your life.

"Hey, _." Your husband said just a few minutes after you had settled your belongings in his, now also yours, private chambers. "Are you unhappy to be here?"

You turned to him and put up the most shining plastic smile you could possibly muster. "Why would you even think that?" you answered him ever so sweetly. If not anything, your lifetime of training has got to pay off at one point in your life.

"Don't think you could fool me, frau," he said, not bothering one bit to hide his annoyance. "If anyone would've told me how happy you are, then they are either blind, stupid, or liars." He continued to speak while crossing his arms across his chest.

You were stunned at this for a short moment, but you immediately gathered yourself and switched off your masquerading mechanism. You clasped your hands on your lap as you sat down on the edge of your large bed.

"Well, let's take a look at the factors, shall we? My whole life I asked nothing more from my father than a little bit of time each week for myself, and I obediently followed his every whim and demands. Every lesson to attend, every bit of manners to act, and every day of masquerading as a person who I am not." You spoke while you looked intently into his ruby eyes, making sure you relayed every piece of your shattered heart to him. "All my life I was the perfect daughter he always wanted, and now all of the sudden I was given to you, a man I have never seen in my life before, like a lovely piece of present. You know, it's… ah, every little girl's dream to marry a man I fell in love with. So if you ask me, Mr. Beilschmidt, if I were unhappy, then the answer would be yes. Yes, I am very unhappy to be here."

The man before you said nothing all the while you spoke. When you had finished, he was still standing leaning on the window with his arms crossed, crimson eyes at you with an emotion you couldn't quite translate. He kept silent for a minute, before he stood straight on both feet again. "Fair enough," he said while removing his shirt. At the sight of this, your cheeks heated up and you were red to the ears. Even though it had been a few days after you were married, you had never seen a man's bare chest before your wedding and you were still unsure what to feel about it, even though he was officially your husband.

"But I'd appreciate it if you would address me as Gilbert from now on, Mrs. Beilschmidt." You frowned at his mocking tone of voice. He walked towards you and nonchalantly planted a gentle kiss on your lips. He took your hand and led you to lie down on the bed, right next to him. He softly stroke your hair and said, "Get some sleep, frau. We have a big day tomorrow."

* * *

GIL WHY YOU SO... KYAH. O/A/O  
This was my first ever reader fic. why didn't anyone tell me it was this fun XD


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was, in short, frantic. You woke up early in the morning and Gilbert had taken you on a quick tour around the mansion and quickly described your duties as the new mistress of his household. Despite being the fast learner that you are, with a house that size it was no easy feat to keep up, let alone memorize the layout of the building in a few hours. He had the head chef and maid introduce themselves to you, but they had only a few minutes to spare as the whole household was busy preparing for the feast that night. Then the rest of your day was spent preparing yourself for the arrival of Gilbert's family and friends to the banquet that night to celebrate Gilbert's and your marriage.

You stepped out of the bath that evening and peered out through the small window of the bathroom to find line after line of horse-drawn carriages queuing in front of your front porch, signaling the arrival of your guests. You called in a maid to assist you and quickly slipped inside your gown, a beautiful white dress with its tail touching the floor. You quickly painted your face and put on your shoes, then you went to meet your husband in your bedroom.

"Are you ready?" Gilbert asked, offering his hand to you. You silently admired how respectable he looked in his military clothing and took his hand. He placed your fingers around his arm before he led you outside to greet the guests, hand in hand. As much as you dislike it, there are protocols to these kinds of events and you made sure to put your knowledge to proper use.

He made sure to exchange greetings and introduce you to every person standing in the spacious lobby, from his father's business partners, his superiors in the military, professors from his college, his extended family, to his personal friends. There were at least fifty people in the room, and you had to mentally stifle a yawn while silently complaining about your cheeks getting stiff from smiling so much.

He was talking casually and rather happily with a Frenchman he introduced as Francis Bonnefoy when a man entered from the front door and caught your attention.

He was about slightly taller than Gilbert, and he looked downright handsome with his blonde hair neatly slicked back and his brilliant blue eyes calmly scanning the room as he stepped in. It wasn't long before Gilbert also noticed the new addition in the room and excused himself from Francis. He hurriedly and excitedly half-dragged you to meet this man.

"West!" Gilbert called him happily. As soon as you were face to face with the man, for a moment your existence were forgotten as Gilbert hugged him and started talking in German. Your knowledge of their language was decent, but when they were talking that fast it was definitely a challenge to keep up. After a while, Gilbert finally remembered you were standing awkwardly behind him and placed a hand behind your back, slightly pushing you forward.

"West, this is _, my wife. _, meet Ludwig, my little brother." Gilbert said with a childish grin. "Pleasure to meet you, _." Ludwig said politely and bowed. "The pleasure's mine, Mr. Beilschmidt," you said with the sweetest of smiles as you offered him your hand. You couldn't help but notice the slightest hint of warmth creeping up your cheeks as he took your fingers and lightly kissed your knuckles. After a moment of mindless chat, Gilbert excused you the both of you and took you to greet another guest.

The dinner had been uneventful, and it proceeded like how a proper feast should. The guests were happy with alcohol, and pointless chatter flows on as you struggled to memorize the names and faces of those sitting on your table.

That night after you and Gilbert had retired from the guests, you stood leaning against the window of your bedroom facing the front courtyard. You were still in your party dress, and you just stood there looking down at the carriages, one by one taking their leave.

You caught sight of Ludwig stepping out from the door, and you noticed how sturdy his shoulders look compared to Gilbert.

"What are you doing? Get changed and go to sleep already," Gilbert called from across the room, interrupting your thoughts. You turned to meet his eyes, and he was sending a signal that you don't understand. You brushed it aside, turned back to the window and absent-mindedly said, "I didn't know you have a younger brother."

He seemed to quietly consider the answer for a while. When he didn't answer you, you brought your eyes to meet his, just to be greeted with that vibe that you couldn't quite put your finger on. He looked like he was deep in thoughts, but after a moment of meeting your curious eyes, he brushed it aside and answered as he ran his fingers through his short silver mane, "well, now you do."

This strange behavior puzzled you, but you thought nothing more of it. You quickly changed into your nightgown and went to join your husband on your bed. It didn't take long before your aching head and muscles' pain reached your brain and you gladly embraced sleep's sweet invitation.

* * *

Behold, my Germany bias ;w;


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three months since your wedding and you slowly started to learn more about your husband. You found out that he preferred beer to wine and could hold his liquor very well, contrasting your relatively weak resistance on alcohol. He didn't like to hold parties much and for that you were glad. He works in his father's multinational company and so he has contacts from all over the world and some of them would come to visit every once in a while. Aside from German as his native language, he speaks English, French, Spanish and Italian very well. You learned that he is very skilled in martial arts and sword art, and he had reached a respectable position from the time when he served the German military. You observed that he had two close friends, Francis Bonnefoy from France and Antonio Fernandez Carriedo the Spaniard, whom both of them you had met at your party. They were regular visitors to your mansion and they often spend the night there.

Another regular visitor was Ludwig. You learned that he was two years younger than Gilbert, making him a year older than you. He lived not quite far from your mansion, and he would visit once or sometimes twice a week, mostly to discuss business.

You had struggled managing the household for the first week you were there, but you adjusted quickly and by now you have already gained the respect from all your employees.

Your and Gilbert's relationship had been calm and rather monotonous. He would often kiss and hug you, but you were convinced they were a form of mindless affection for his "belonging" and you paid no mind to it. Every day you dreaded your presence there, but you decided to make the best of the situation and busied yourself with your daily duties. You take pleasure in your spare time and you would spend it working on some embroidery, reading books and painting, but you had kept it a secret from your husband, thinking there was no need for him to know each and every single thing you did. You never left the mansion unless Gilbert invited you outside. You didn't have any friends to hang out with anyways and you tried to avoid meeting people in general outside what was necessary.

That day, you were reading a book in the drawing room, and the lazy wind from the opened window made you sleepy. You almost drifted to sleep when all of the sudden Gilbert bursts into the room, making you jump in your seat. He had a wide grin pasted on his face, and this puzzled you greatly.

"Come with me," he said, grabbing your hand. Without waiting for an answer, he yanked you on your feet and dragged you outside the room. He wouldn't stop and explain, despite your protests.

He led you outside to the front porch, where he finally stopped and released your hand. In front of you was a magnificent chestnut mare standing next to Gilbert's white stallion, which he proudly presented to you. "What do you think?" he asked, the grin still hasn't left his face. "It's beautiful," you said as you stepped closer to admire and further examine the proud creature.

"Good," Gilbert said, "then it's yours."

You almost didn't believe your ears. But upon seeing his smile, you know he wasn't joking. "Thank you very much, Gilbert," you said happily, "I loved it." You moved your hands to caress the mare's muzzle, mesmerized by its beauty, and you giggled as it snorted softly in your hair.

"I'm glad you did," Gilbert said, and you could've sworn you saw a tint of pink on his cheeks. "Care for a ride?" "Ah, I'd love to, but…" you answered, looking down at your delicate dress. "That's fine. I'll wait right here. You go ahead and get changed." Hearing that, you quickly nodded and dashed to do exactly that. A few minutes later, you returned in proper riding attire and the both of you immediately hopped on your horses and set off.

It was far from a leisurely stride. You had raced your horse as fast as it could go, and the adrenaline rush made you feel more alive than you have felt in months. Gilbert had easily kept up with your speed, but he kept his distance a few paces behind you.

After a full hour of riding, you both decided to rest beside a small lake and let your horses have their fill of water. You sat down on the grass, silently appreciating the whispering wind, when Gilbert came up to sit next to you and handed you a flask of water. You thanked him and took a few sips of water.

"How do you feel?" He asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had built between you. "Better than I have felt in months," you answered as you turned to him with a smile. "Thank you, this meant a lot for me," you said honestly.

"How did you learn to ride like that anyways?" he asked, his lips stretched into a playful grin. "I used to own a mare of my own back in my father's place," you told him, "and in those few occasions when I could be whoever I want, I would often race my horse through the forest until we both tire out. I used to ride faster than this, but once I almost break my legs falling off my horse and since then I slowed down a bit."

"Huh, that was unexpected," Gilbert said. "Well, don't think you've known me yet," you said absent-mindedly. He noticed that you had grown drowsy and sleepy from the soft wind, and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you to lean on him. You didn't struggle against this, but instead you leaned your weight on his shoulder. He began to nonchalantly stroke your hair and quietly stared off into the distance. Before you know it, you were closing your eyes and slowly drifted to sleep.

.

"_, wake up. It's time to go," you heard a voice softly calling you back to consciousness. You reluctantly opened your eyes to find that the sun had begun to set. You must've fallen asleep for at least two hours.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," you said as you quickly rose to your feet and dusted off some grass that stuck to your clothes. Hearing that, Gilbert just laughed as he too stood up. "It's fine, frau," he said, "I don't mind. Besides, you looked adorable sleeping soundly like that."

Suddenly you felt your face heated up. You knew he was teasing you, and he saw your sleeping face every other day anyways. But somehow seeing him like that, playful and in a way, childish, you couldn't help but to turn bright red. There was a strange tingling in your chest, and you weren't quite sure how to translate that feeling. However, you decided that it meant nothing and simply brushed it off as you collected yourself together. You leapt onto your horse, and the both of you started the peaceful ride back home.


	5. Chapter 5

Ever since you got your mare, life had taken a turn for the better. Every day you would come to the stalls to check on it, and it gave you a little piece of happiness to look forward to every afternoon. Once every one or two weeks your husband would ask you to join him for a ride near the forests, but you still wouldn't leave the confinement of the house without him. It just didn't feel right to you.

One fine day, you were at the stalls, enjoying the companion of your beloved chestnut, when an unexpected guest came to see you.

"Good afternoon, _," said a now familiar voice, slightly startling you.

"Oh, Ludwig! Good afternoon!" You lightly gave your horse a final pat of goodbye on its neck before making your way to your guest. As a regular visitor and a family of the master of the household, Ludwig was considered a familiar face among your employees and he had the access to enter and leave the mansion compound anytime he wished.

"What a fine horse you have there," Ludwig said, nodding towards your pet that was snorting in annoyance as you left. "Why, thank you very much," you smiled at him. "I'm afraid Gilbert hasn't returned from work yet," you told him as soon as you were face to face with the tall blonde. "Would you like to wait inside?" you continued.

"That is very kind of you, _. But I am not here to see my brother today," he said, "I'm here to see you."

His answer caught you off guard. You weren't expecting this at all. "Oh? What business might have brought you here, then?" you asked, skilfully concealing your surprise.

Ludwig simply smiled at your question before he answered. "Am I not allowed to come and see my sister in law for a friendly visit?"

"Would you like to accompany me for a walk?" he asked, offering you his hand. "I don't see why I wouldn't," you answered sweetly as you gave him your hand and smiled as he led you away from the stalls.

The conversation started with mandatory greetings, then it moved on to meaningless chatter. You inquired him about such fine weather it was that day, and he had complimented your blooming rose plants. You talked about pointless matters, but you found out that you enjoyed his company very much.

You were strolling casually in your flower garden when suddenly Ludwig asked you a question.

"_, do you love my brother?"

To say that you weren't shocked would be a complete and utter lie. You needed a few moments to recollect yourself. You thought about avoiding answering that, but when you saw how serious he was about it, you didn't have the heart to deny him the answer.

You took a deep breath before you finally break the awkward silence that was starting to thicken between you. "Well, you might have heard that I was… Well, let's just say that I was denied the right to have an opinion in this wedding arrangement.

I had never met him before the wedding day, and suddenly I was taken to a place so strange and foreign to me, and I didn't even have the right to have a part in the decision." You sat down on a metal bench in the middle of your garden and invited him to sit down next to you. After you were both comfortably settled down, you continued talking. "Even now, he is still a stranger to me. But that didn't change the fact that I am his lawful wife, and I did what needed to be done as a woman of that position. However I wouldn't say that I do love him like how a bride should love her husband."

Ludwig took a moment to consider your answer before he replied. "So, do you hate him, then?"

"Good heavens, no," you said while smiling as best as you could. "I believe it was not his fault that we were put in this situation and from what I was informed, he too was forced to go through with this plan. Therefore I do not see any reason to pin the blame on him."

Ludwig seemed relieved at your answer. "In that case, you have my gratitude, _."

You were about to ask him what did you do to deserve such gratitude, when your attention was suddenly snapped by another familiar voice.

"Hey, West! I didn't know you were coming today!" You turned your head to see your husband lightly running towards your direction. Why he called Ludwig West was still a mystery to you, but you didn't bother asking.

"Hello, brother. I was here to see _ today," Ludwig said. "Oh, did you now?" Gilbert said, not bothering to hide the hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yes, we talked quite a lot today," Ludwig replied. "Speaking of which," he continued as he took out his pocket watch and checked the time, "I should be leaving now before it gets dark. I'll see you some other time, brother."

"Heh. Okay, then," Gilbert said, giving the taller man a hug. "_," Ludwig took your fingers in his and placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles before he set off. As soon as he was out of view, Gilbert took your hand and led you inside the house.

"So," Gilbert said as you two walked towards the mansion's entrance, "what did you two talk about?"

Suddenly you were reminded at Ludwig's question and what you were just talking about. Realizing that the man in question was right next to you, your face decided to betray you and slowly heat crept up towards your cheeks.

"Oh, nothing much," you said, trying to act as innocently as possible. "We just strolled around the gardens, and we didn't really talk about anything important."

Gilbert eyed you strangely, and he looked like he wanted to further interrogate you. However you were relieved when he decided not to say anything else until the both of you were inside the building.

"Anyway, I'm starving. What's for dinner?"


	6. Chapter 6

You always thought Gilbert Beilschmidt was strange.

He was a very talented, well-educated young man. Considering you had spent most of your life studying, if not all, you found that his ability to keep up with your vast knowledge and variety of skills impressed you. You had seen him practicing with his sword once, and you knew a talented fighter when you see one. He defeated your horseback riding skills by a wide margin, as well as his linguistic skills.

It was strange, however, that a man of such talent would act like how he did. There was a childish ring to his behaviors. He loved to complain and whine after a long day at work, and he often pulled small pranks at you. Sometimes this annoyed you, but you knew better than to let it show.

Everyday without fail he would greet you in the morning with a light kiss on your lips and every night he would hold you against his chest or hold your hand until you fell asleep. This bothered you greatly at first, but you concluded that for him it was nothing more than a daily ritual and so you started to ignore his little showers of affection.

You also thought it was odd that someone who was so well trained in sports and martial arts would have such a relatively lanky build. You had expected his build would be more sturdy and bulky like Ludwig. Also unlike Ludwig, Gilbert has untamable silver hair that was always tousled around by the wind and he gave up trying to keep it in place.

You always thought Gilbert Beilschmidt was strange. But above all other characteristics, what frustrated you the most were his eyes.

They were crimson, almost the color of blood. But the color couldn't matter any less to you. What ticked you off was how he would look at you with those ruby red eyes of his and you really couldn't read what he was trying to achieve by doing so. You didn't dare look in it for too long and you felt as if you would drown in them if you do. You were upset for the fact that he seemed to be able to look deep inside your soul through your eyes while you couldn't get the slightest peek in his.

They were strange, but they were quaintly beautiful, and you didn't hate them. They were alive and soulful, and there was a strange vibe of never-ending energy that practically leaks from them.

You had such mixed feelings for those eyes. And that was why when one morning you woke up to be greeted with those very eyes looking so strangely at you, you didn't know what to feel.

"_, can you hear me?" His crisp voice echoed painfully in your ears, slowly bringing you back to consciousness. "_... _!" He repeatedly called your name while shaking your shoulders. You felt weak, for some reasons. And his thundering voice didn't help either.

"Not so loud, Gilbert," you said softly, "my head hurts." As soon as you said that, you realized how true it was. There was a loud pounding in your skull, and you noticed that it was hard for you to breathe. You wondered what happened. You tried to remember, but you were certain you didn't drink any alcohol the night before.

"Sorry," he said, lowering down his voice. He touched your forehead with his, and he immediately started swearing in German. "I was wondering why you haven't woken up yet, and damn it you have a very bad fever." He jumped out of bed, but he fixed the blanket on you before he left.

"No, I don't want to. It's too hot," you said slowly, pushing the heavy blanket out of the way. Your head was spinning badly and you felt like you were about to collapse any moment. "No, put it on," Gilbert said sternly as he fixed the blanket again. Hearing his tone of voice, you stopped fighting and you let him pull the fabric to your chin. "Stay here, I'll get the doctor." With that, he leapt onto his feet and dashed out of the room.

After the doctor had checked on you and left, you snuggled uncomfortably in your bed, trying to calm the hurricane rampaging your brain. You noticed that the sun was already high, but none of your duties for the day was done. Slowly, you started to sit up and slide from under the thick blanket. You put on your slippers and started to make way to your closet for a change of clothes. You made it halfway across the room, but all of the sudden your head felt light and your knees gave way. You didn't realize the addition to the room until a pair of strong arms grabbed onto you just when you started plummeting to the ground.

"Dammit, frau, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Gilbert hissed through gritted teeth as he settled your weight on his shoulders and slowly brought you to sit on the ground.

"What do you mean? Let go of me, Gilbert." You said through labored breaths, annoyed at Gilbert's tight grip on your arms. "Like hell I will," he replied as he started to shift his arms and position them behind your back and under your knees. With one clear motion he stood up on both feet and effortlessly huddled you against his chest. "Let go, I said. I'm perfectly fine."

"Bullshit." He ignored your protests and walked towards your bed. He settled down your body and once again he fumbled with the blanket and covered you all the way to your chin. "You will remain here for the rest of the day, until you are healed. Am I understood?" It was more of a command than a request.

You weakly snorted in annoyance, but your head was grateful for being once again reunited with your soft pillow. Suddenly you felt light-headed and before long, you were drifting away from consciousness and into the soft embrace of sleep.

.

When you finally woke up, the first thing you noticed was how wet and sticky your nightgown was, drenched in your sweat. You silently cursed the medication you were given earlier, and you were convinced someone slipped a sleeping pill in your drinks. You started to shift your position and you tried to get up and for the second time in the day, attempt to retrieve a change of clothes and get out of this wet disgusting mess of fabric. However, you froze when you found out that your movements were confined by something sturdy behind your back. You groggily opened your eyes, only to find that you were enveloped in a tight embrace by the sleeping man by your side, who was none other than your husband. You desperately needed to change your clothes, so without further thoughts you attempted to wriggle your way out of his grip.

The sudden commotion disturbed him, and not a moment later he was woken up. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" he asked, noticing your efforts to escape him. Defeated, you looked into his eyes and frowned. "I'm drenched from sweat and I just need to grab a change of clothes. Now please let go of me."

He considered your answer for a few moments before he loosened his arms from around your shoulders. However, just as you started to sit up and slipped out of the bed, he pushed you back and told you to stay put. Instead, he walked over to your wardrobe and pulled out the first nightgown in sight. He walked back with the dress and a small towel in his hands, and you met his gaze with a light frown.

He stood in front of you while you sat at the edge of the bed and he settled the white gown to the side. He brought his hands to your back and started undoing the buttons of your gown. You noticed what he was trying to do and immediately your face turned bright red.

"I… I can do this by myself," you stammered as you raised a hand to push his away. You were stunned when he didn't say anything, but instead your eyes met his and he looked at you with that strange gaze that you hated. This time, however, you didn't complain and you rested your hands on your lap while he immediately proceeded to finish unbuttoning your dress. Your blush grew more furious as he delicately lifted the gown over your head and casually tossed it aside. You awkwardly tried to cover your bare chest with your arms, and you quickly took a peek at his direction. However, he didn't seem to be disturbed the slightest by your reaction and instead he grabbed the towel and lightly dabbed it across your back. He was slightly crouching as he did this, and your face was buried on his chest.

Suddenly your shoulder stiffened and shivers ran up your spine as he put aside the towel and started to trail kisses on your neck and shoulders. He lightly let out a small laugh and he whispered in your ears, "try to relax, _." His voice was low and husky, almost like a growl, and it made you did the opposite. Your shoulders stiffened more but as you opened your mouth to protest, he nipped at your collarbone, effectively silencing you with a whimper.

He repeatedly whispered your name in your ears, all the while leaving trails of kisses and light bites. With each contact between your skin and his lips, your back arched more, your breathing grew faster, you clenched your fingers in his shirt harder, and you shut your eyes harder. Your head spinned in a whirlwind of emotions, and your face was so hot you thought it would explode any moment. From the huff of amusement he let out, you knew he enjoyed seeing you react to his touch. And this frustrated you.

"G-Gilbert… Stop!" You finally gathered enough strength and held together your thoughts long enough to push him back. He staggered backwards, and he stared at you wide eyed. You scrambled to cover your chest with your arms, and glared at him as you tried to catch your breath.

There was a long moment of silence before Gilbert finally moved to grab the new gown and tossed it onto your lap. Then he started walking towards the door, but even though he was avoiding your eyes, you thought you caught sight of his cheeks burning red.

Just before he walked through the door, he turned back towards you and said, "Put that on. I'll bring you something to eat." And with that, he stepped out and closed the door behind him with a soft thud. For a while, you could do nothing but clutch your gown in front of your chest, stared at the door, and thought to yourself, 'what just happened?'

And you promptly added the happenings of that day to your long list of strange things about Gilbert Beilschmidt.


	7. Chapter 7

After that incident, things had gotten awkward between you and your husband. He must've found it irritating, or amusing, you couldn't tell, and so a week later he decided to ask you a question.

"Have you ever been with another man before?"

What irked you wasn't the question itself. Instead it was how casually he had asked it, as if it had meant nothing and it was as simple as asking what meal had you eaten earlier that day. You frowned, skillfully hiding the blush that was creeping up your cheeks. "Why would you ask that?" You asked back, meeting his curious eyes with displease.

"Am I not allowed to ask about my wife's past?" He shrugged his shoulders as he challenged your glare. Hearing that, you sighed in defeat, squared your shoulders, and spoke.

"My father wasn't the best parent anyone would've asked, but I'll tell you that he is smart." You took a deep breath, calming yourself as you faced the unpleasant memory. "I was… I suppose you can call me his trophy. He'd always kept me clean and nicely decorated in his cabinet, and he would only bring me out to be bragged to only the people he wanted to impress. Keeping that in mind, I had many men, young and old, praised me and attempted to woo me with their words and gifts. Of course, they were only after my father's money, and I avoided all of them. With that said, the answer to your previous question would be no. I have never been with another man before."

"Do you think I'm after your father's money?" Gilbert asked. You couldn't decide if it was mischief or pure curiosity in his eyes, but you answered him nonetheless. "You're strange," you said, replying his gaze with your own. "I don't know why, but I can't seem to read you."

You managed to keep your calm, but as you caught your husband trying to swallow down a snicker, your face went straight burning red.

"Well, even if you are, I don't have that much of a choice now, do I?"

.

A few days after that, you were relaxing in your drawing room when a maid entered and handed you an envelope, saying, "my lady, there is a letter for you." You took the envelope from her hand and smiled as you read the name scribbled on it.

The letter was from one of your caretakers and she had been taking care of you since your early childhood. She was one of the very few people that earned your trust. The two of you had been exchanging letters since your wedding and you were more than delighted to receive her reply.

You rushed back to your bedroom and immediately ripped open the envelope and read the letter inside. You had told her about your situation as a married woman and it's good to receive words of encouragement. You happily read what she wrote, but you froze when you read the last sentence that concluded her message.

"_From what you told me, it seemed to me that he loves you."_

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat as you gave that statement a thought. Then you pulled a piece of paper from your drawer and started writing a reply letter at once. You were almost done writing when suddenly you heard loud crashes and clattering noises coming from the hallway. You heaved a sigh and put down your pen before you headed outside to find out what happened.

_-Gilbert's point of view-_

Gilbert just arrived home early from work and he couldn't find you in the drawing room where you usually were at that time of the day. He asked a maid about your whereabouts, and she had answered that you were taking care of a mess. Sighing, he decided to head directly to the bedroom.

Upon entering the bedroom, right away he began to remove his coat and ran a hand through his messy locks. He let his eyes wandered around the room aimlessly, before they fall onto the piece of paper you left on the table. He knew he wasn't supposed to read it, but something in him compelled him to do so.

In the end, curiosity got the better of him. He walked over to the desk, picked up the paper and brought it with him to the bed. Sitting down, he started to lazily scan the words on the page. It wasn't long before his eyes landed on the very reason he shouldn't have read the letter at the first place.

"_You said that he loves me. And maybe that's true. But I assure you, he doesn't love me like how you thought he does._

"_Perhaps the easiest way to describe his love to me is just as Ludwig would love his three dogs. I was nothing more than a pet. A plaything. Something that he received as a present in a beautiful box, and he keeps to amuse him in his spare time. His kisses and showers of affection meant nothing beyond a pat on the head when I behaved._

"_Yes, maybe he does love me. But I am convinced that it meant absolutely nothing. I am just a piece of trophy. I always have been. What difference does it make here or there?"_

Gilbert stared at the paper in his hands in disbelief. Was that really how you thought of him, he thought. Running his gaze over and over again on those very lines, he thought he heard his heart crack.

_-Your point of view-_

You released a heavy sigh from your mouth. A maid had tripped with a tray on her hands, breaking quite a number of plates and cups, and you had to make arrangements to buy new ones. Now that the mess was cleaned and an order was placed, you walked back into your bedroom and you thought of finishing your letter and sending it immediately.

You entered your room and you met your husband's presence with mild surprise. You were about to greet him when you saw that he was staring at a piece of paper in his hands, you froze. You recognized the ivory colored paper as the letter you were writing and you immediately strode towards him and snatched it from his hands.

"You weren't supposed to do that," you said with a frown. You weren't particularly angry, because you had nothing in particular to hide, but you were annoyed that he didn't respect your privacy.

Gilbert was surprised when the paper disappeared from his hand, as he didn't notice when you entered the room. But instead of defending himself, he met your displeased glare with a bitter gaze. If you didn't know better you would've thought you saw hurt in them. You were utterly shocked at his reply, and slowly your glare turned from anger to that of shock and confusion.

"G-Gilbert? What's wrong?" you asked slowly, slightly worried at his current state. You were answered with nothing but silence, but after a few moments he finally opened his mouth. "Was that really what you thought of me?" he asked, his voice so subtle, almost a whisper.

At first, you were confused what he had meant, but soon your mind caught up and you knew he was referring to your letter.

"Well, was I mistaken?" You asked casually. You were convinced that it was the truth, and as far as you were concerned, it didn't really matter even if you were wrong.

Gilbert met your eyes with disbelief. This greatly bewilders you, as you didn't see any reason why he should be upset. You were about to turn around to put the letter on your desk when in one swift movement your wrist was captured between his slender fingers.

You turned back your head to protest, but you were immediately silenced as his lips suddenly slammed onto yours. By pure reflex, you gasped in surprise. But Gilbert seized the opportunity to slip his tongue through your parted lips, and you tensed as you felt shivers running up your spine.

The kiss was nothing like those he usually gave you. Compared to the usual light, quick and meaningless kisses, this one was hungry and passionate. Lips against lips, teeth against teeth, and tongue against tongue. You felt your brain died at his touch, and you couldn't do anything but squeeze the sleeves of his shirt as you held on to keep your balance and shut your eyes so tight until tears came out. His tongue explored your mouth at his heart's content, tasting every corner of it.

After a while, he finally broke off. By now you were reduced to a blushing trembling mess. The two of you were panting, and you furiously tried to catch your breath. Your knees felt like pudding and you were at the mercy of the two strong arms wrapping around your waist, otherwise you would've fallen down to the ground instantly. Gently, Gilbert settled you down on the bed where he was sitting and he slowly went down to his knees, all the while his eyes never leaving yours.

For a moment you just stayed there, Gilbert sending you messages you didn't understand through the gaze of his dark crimson eyes, which you replied with confusion. You really didn't know what to think. His hands found their way to yours, and firmly holding onto them, his thumbs gently stroking the back of your hands. Suddenly, he raised his head to once again meet your lips with his, this time gently and softly, as if he was afraid to break you if he made the slightest wrong move. Then he stood up, your hands still in his, his eyes searched deep in yours before he finally spoke.

"You're a fool."

Slowly he let go of your hands and walked past the door, your eyes on his back as you silently wished he would turn around and explain what he meant.

He didn't return that night.

* * *

what is this i don't even- *blushes madly*


	8. Chapter 8

Gilbert didn't return home the next day either. Or the next. You were starting to get worried, but above all you just wanted him to come back so he could explain himself.

On the fourth day when he didn't return, you instead found Ludwig in your lobby, looking not the least bit happy.

"My brother had spent the last four nights at my place," he said without a greeting, frustration clearly decorating his deep voice. "Every night he would just help himself to glass after glass of beer all the while muttering your name. He would wake up the next morning with a horrible hangover, forced himself to work, not achieving anything for the rest of the day, and went back drinking at night. He wouldn't answer me when I asked what was wrong. I have no idea what else to do, and that's why I'm here now."

You felt your heart sink. Did that letter really affected him that much?

"I wished I knew too, Ludwig," you said with a sigh. "I think he might be angry at me, but even I'm not sure why!" Ludwig tried fruitlessly to untangle the knot in his forehead with his fingers, and heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't mind if you can't tell me what happened, but whatever it is, this has to stop. And it needs to stop soon."

Before you could stop yourself, the first tear escaped your eyes, and it was soon followed by the second, and so on. You weren't sad or scared; you were too strong for it. You were just frustrated. You were frustrated at your husband's childish behavior, you were frustrated at not being able to understand his message, but above all, you were frustrated that you weren't unable to calm and let alone understand the hurricane of emotions tightening your chest.

Upon seeing you cry, Ludwig immediately panicked. You were sniffling, trying to choke back your tears, and failing miserably. Awkwardly, Ludwig pulled you into his embrace and softly began to stroke your hair in an attempt to comfort you. For a few minutes, you sobbed into his broad chest until you finally got a grip on yourself and calmed down. He let you bury your face into his shirt even after you stopped crying while silently holding you in his strong arms.

Still hiding your face, you mumbled a question at him. "Ludwig, do you have a wife? Ah, forgive me, of course you don't, what am I saying. Do you have a lover, then?"

From his tensed shoulders, you could tell that he was surprised at the sudden question. He considered the answer for a while before he answered, "no, I don't, _. Why do you ask?"

You heaved a heavy sigh and paused. "Never mind," you said finally.

A long silence followed.

"If I do, however," he said softly, breaking the deafening silence, "I wouldn't let her hang in uncertainties." You tilted your head upwards, and your swollen eyes were met with his brilliant blue eyes gazing at you ever so gently.

"You're amazing, _," he said as he brought a hand to caress your cheek and wipe the trail of tears from it. "Ever since the first time we met, I knew you were special. Everyday since then, I tried to get you out of my mind, but it was impossible." He spoke as his lips were pulled into the faintest of smiles, but his eyes weren't the slightest bit happy. "Too bad I'm not the firstborn, huh?"

At first, you were confused as to what he had meant. Then slowly your mind caught up and you blushed furiously.

He loved you.

Avoiding his eyes, you softly replied him, "I-I'm sorry, Ludwig. I can't…"

He pulled you tighter into his embrace and once again he let you hide your face in his chest. "I know, _. It's okay." You closed your eyes. It felt like a stab to your heart to know his feelings for you and that you cannot answer it. "I'm sorry. I really am," you whispered.

Ludwig sighed before he spoke again. "Don't be. It may be a cruel twist of fate on my side, but I truly am happy for the two of you, especially my brother. I've never seen him so happy before."

Hearing that, you froze. Did he mean…?

Suddenly you looked up to meet his eyes once more. "Ludwig, do you… Do you think he loves me?" Your heart pounded intensely in your ribcage as you await the answer. Ludwig replied you with confusion in his eyes. "Do you not think so?" he asked back.

You felt your heart fell and shattered to a million pieces. "Oh God," you mumbled, your head suddenly felt like there was a hammer pounding on it. "Oh God, it's all my fault," you hid your face again as more tears started to trace the drying trail on your cheeks. You didn't know why you were crying again. Was it sadness? Heartache? Frustration? Guilt?

Gilbert was right. You were such a fool. Here you were, complaining about not being loved and freely accusing him of using you as a plaything, while in truth he had given you all the love he could give. Suddenly you felt sick. Your head was spinning and your stomach turned upside down.

You felt your knees gave way and just when you were about to fall, Ludwig caught your waist and hoisted you up. "_, are you okay?" he called, clearly panicking. Once you found your balance back, you told him, "I'm fine. I just… I just need to think, that's all."

He brought you to sit down on the nearest couch. You steeled your resolve and said to him, "Ludwig, will you do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything," he answered, puzzled. "Will you make sure that Gilbert comes back here tomorrow evening?" you said as you looked hopefully into his eyes.

Ludwig looked at you questioningly, but he nodded nonetheless. He excused himself and he was about to leave when you caught his sleeve between your fingers. "Thank you, Ludwig." You said sincerely as you looked into his eyes, making sure he knew how much this meant to you. He said nothing. He just nodded as he smiled at you, turned around and disappeared through the doors.

You stood up, straightened your skirt and squared your shoulders. Your husband owed you an explanation, and you owe him an answer.

And your deadline was the next evening.


	9. Chapter 9

You ended up not getting any sleep at all. You rolled out of your bed that morning feeling like a wreck. You splashed water to your face in a vain attempt to clear your mind, but as you see the empty space on your bed, your chest stung. After you took a shower and ate breakfast, you didn't eat that much either, you sat down in your drawing room, drowned in thoughts.

There was still a few hours until Gilbert was supposed to arrive, so at midday you asked for your mare to be prepared and you changed into your riding attire. You didn't bother to eat lunch, and within several minutes you were ready to go at your front porch. "No, I don't need an escort," you said when a maid offered.

You mindlessly led your mare to trot around for hours, not thinking where you were going. You were desperately trying to sort out the tangled mess of emotions in your chest, and you weren't sure if you wanted to hear your husband's explanation after all. When you finally noticed your surroundings, you were at the side of the lake where Gilbert had taken you when you first got your mare. Sighing, you pulled the beast to a halt.

You were so drowned in your thoughts, until you caught a movement from the corner of your eyes.

It was a large snake, slowly slithering its way towards you. Your mind turned alert at once. However, before you were able to act, your horse beat you to it.

Once it noticed the snake's presence, it was immediately thrown into a frantic frenzy. It started to gallop out of control, violently rocking you back and forth on its back. You desperately hang on to its reins for dear life, while fruitlessly attempting to regain control over the horse.

This continued for several more minutes until finally, your horse leaped to the air in a fatal burst of energy, and you were thrown off its back. You held your breath as you braced yourself for the merciless ground. You rolled several meters downhill until suddenly you were stopped in your tracks with a sharp piercing pain at the back of your head.

Lying motionlessly for a moment, you caught sight of your horse running away, still panicking. At least you were far enough from the snake, you thought. You felt a sharp ringing in your ears. For a moment you couldn't do anything. The pain was taking control of your senses. You struggled with the pain, forcing it to disappear by sheer willpower. It didn't give way, though.

It kept pounding, stabbing at your scalps. Your eyes lost their function, and shortly after your ears followed suit. Your skin went numb; you felt nothing except for the banging throb in your head. You found it too tiring to battle the pain, and the silent darkness at the back of your mind seemed much more alluring than the gruesome barrage in front of you. Slowly, you retreated into the quiet nothingness, and you decided to stay there with a satisfied sigh.

.

A sudden ruckus disturbed your slumber. Slowly you began to notice a sharp but crisp voice echoing in your ears. It piqued your curiosity. You hesitantly crawled out of your comfortable shell of darkness, and as soon as you did so, the unforgiving pain resumed its assault.

You felt something press against the most painful point at the back of your skull, and you instantaneously winced in response. The echo rang louder and clearer, and while you felt like you recognize the voice, you were too tired to try and identify it.

You felt your body left the ground, and you reluctantly let your eyelids flutter open. You caught a glimpse of a pair of glowing red orbs, and that was it. You thought opening your eyes was too much of an effort, so you willingly let your mind wander back under the warm blanket of black.

.

You felt like you had slept for an eternity. All of the sudden the warm fuzzy darkness turned hostile, and it harshly banished you from its embrace. As soon as you stepped out of its domain, once again you were at the mercy of the ruthless pain. You tried to make your way around it, squeezing through every little hole you could find in the midst of chaos. You gradually regained control of your fingertips, and you started to be able to feel yourself breathing. Then you noticed another breathing sound aside from yours.

Carefully, you lifted your eyelids open but the sudden barrage of light was too bright for you and you were stunned momentarily. You willed for your eyes to endure it, and after a while the light became less painful.

The first thing that caught your attention was a blob of white resting motionlessly at your side. At first you thought it might be a white porcupine rolled into a ball, but soon your common sense caught up and you dismissed that thought.

You waited a moment for your blurred vision to clear; you realized that it was someone's head. For a minute you just stared at the figure at your left. He was sleeping soundly, as you could tell from his steadily rising and falling shoulders, and he was facing away from you.

Your heart winced at the nostalgic feeling as you set your eyes upon this man. You desperately tried to reassemble the pieces scattered. Who was this man? Why was he here? Why were you here? How? Why did your chest sting when you saw him?

Suddenly everything came back to you like a wash of the sea wave. It brought tears to your eyes knowing that Gilbert had returned. He's back.

You gently lifted your left hand to stroke his wild locks. It didn't take him long to notice a movement and soon, he snapped awake.

"Oh _Gott_. _, you're awake," he said, scrambling to his feet. You flashed a weak smile at him while ignoring the pain still torturing your skull. You were just happy to see him. "You were out cold for two days already. Damn it, what were you doing anyway, out there on your own?" He said as he brought his fingers to caress your cheek.

"Wait here, I'll get the doctor," he said as he rose to his feet and turned away, but he stopped as your fingers caught hold of his wrist. "Stay," you managed to speak quietly with a coarse voice as you pleaded with your eyes. "Help me up," you spoke again as you tried to prop yourself up on your elbows.

"What? No," he retorted firmly, pushing you back down. His eyes looked downright worried as he continued, "I'll get the doctor."

"No, help me up." You insisted on sitting up. Your grip around his wrist tightened as you refused to falter. "Please, Gilbert," you pleaded your case with your gaze once more, making sure he understood how crucial it was to you. You both still had a score to settle.

In the end, Gilbert silently nodded as he slipped his arm behind your back and hoisted you up. He adjusted your pillows so you could rest against the headrest of your bed.

After making yourself as comfortable as you could be, you patted the space at the edge of the bed, inviting him to sit down. Quietly, he dutifully answered to your request. Your eyes never left his and your fingers were neatly wrapped around his, stubbornly refusing to let go.

"That letter," you spoke slowly. Your hold of his hand only tightened when he flinched at the mention of the painful topic. Your throat was dry as the desert sand, but water can wait. You needed to know now.

"Tell me," you asked, eyes carefully searching his. "Was I wrong?"

For a while he didn't move or speak. You could tell a blush was making its way onto his face as well as yours. Then he cleared his throat before he finally opened his mouth.

"You were," he said, but he said nothing more.

Slightly irritated, you asked him again. "Well, care to elaborate?"

Suddenly he lashed out on you. "What else do I need to say?" You winced as he raised his voice. "I love you, alright? I love you so much that it hurts." His face was burning red by now.

"You thought I was just using you? Damn straight you were wrong." His breathing grew quicker with each word. "I am madly in love with you, much more beyond what I thought I could." He shot out each word in frustration. "But it hurts too much to love you when you don't take as much as a glance at me," he slowly lowered his voice, and you could clearly tasted the pain in it.

His gaze fell to the cold floor as you stared at him in disbelief. None of you spoke a word for a few long moments.

"Do you… remember when we first met?" He slowly spoke again. "You mean at our wedding ceremony?" you asked meekly. He chuckled lightly before he continued. "Yeah, that day," he said, his eyes still refusing to meet yours.

"When I first learned about our betrothal, I was furious. I loved being on my own. Doing whatever I want, whenever I want." He smiled weakly at the now distant memory. "But when I saw you, walking up that aisle, something inside me changed." Slowly, he lifted his gaze towards your face, timidly connecting with your eyes.

"Call it cheesy if you want, but I think there was a part of me that fell in love with you right from the beginning. I remembered thinking to myself how beautiful you were. And that was the first thought that enters my mind every morning when I wake up with you in my arms," he said with a snicker, bringing more heat to your already red face.

"But I guess it's not working out, huh?" His gaze fell back to the floor.

After another long pause of silence, suddenly you broke it with a giggle. "You're not good with women, are you?" you said while choking down laughter. You smiled as his eyes snapped back at you with his cheeks burning a bright shade of red.

"Don't worry," you cut him off as he opened his mouth to retort. "I'm bad with men too."

You sighed as you continued slowly, "well, if you want to," you started fidgeting around, "I guess you could try and make me fall in love with you." Suddenly you felt your cheeks heat up some more and you found looking into his eyes too difficult. As you looked away, you felt his eyes burning into your soul.

"But I guess," you stuttered awkwardly, "It's starting to work already."

There was another moment of silence.

"Oh, really?" he asked. You could practically hear his grin in his voice. "Y-yeah," you answered, and you felt him move closer to you. "Whatever you're doing, it seems to be pretty effective," you said, your voice getting lower and lower in volume, but you were sure he heard it nice and clear.

He took your chin in his fingers and gently turned your face towards him. He lightly touched your forehead with his and once again your eyes met. Now you didn't have to guess what he meant by that strange gaze anymore.

He loved you, and that was all that matters.

He captured your lips in a soft kiss, and without any hesitation you kissed back just as gently. His lips were chapped and yours were dry, but none of you minded. After a moment he pulled away and he looked affectionately into your eyes.

"I love you, _." He whispered, a smile decorating his handsome face.

You felt your lips pulled upwards as you leaned in to leave another kiss on his lips. You let him pull you into his tender embrace and smiled as you found the perfect answer. You pulled him down so your lips were right next to his ear and whispered sweetly.

"I love you too, Gilbert."

* * *

omg finally this is done~  
Gilbert why you so... *nosebleed*  
writing this chapter was so much fun though XD


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